i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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