I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
