This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize