ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
