there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
