it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
