if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
