Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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