now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we're making bets on your personal life
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
