I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
