a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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