oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
