just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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