i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
