my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ketchup is God's man juice
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
