she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
someone owes me an orgasm
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.