if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That accounts for only three of the penises
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im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome