With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
