I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.