My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole