I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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