i already hear my dad disowning me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
