Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
