that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
soo... how was my night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
