Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I need moral support for this bender
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
