his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
