Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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