Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
