I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
