He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
