cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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