BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
PANTIES FOUND
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
