you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
