You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
