I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
