i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
