Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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