another moral hangover. fuck.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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