She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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