We need to start having sex underwater more often.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
