I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
