He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
