We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
