Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sorry about my life...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
