She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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