Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
