my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't deserve a penis
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
