Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
