That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
