her vagine was all disorganized.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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