I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
