hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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