apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
