so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
