Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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