She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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