i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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