Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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