i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
