I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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