I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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