Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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