hotel room ftw
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
