dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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