i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Two words: blizzard sex
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
